“Blake's Letter to Jessica”

Jessica,

Before I begin this letter, I want to say that I am sorry. I’m so sorry for lying to you. I thought I was protecting you by doing so. And I’m so sorry for cheating on you. I feel so ashamed, and such a betrayal. I’m going to give you the full truth. My entire life until now. I’m a horrible writer, not nearly as good as you, but I hope I can get my point across and hopefully win your heart back again.

I’ve grown up in the really bad part of LA my entire life with my mom, dad and brother Derek. His name isn’t Daniel I know I told you that. Derek is five years older than me. Dad was an asshole. He still is, but my mom had it so bad. He would come home after work drunk every night, and my mom always had to cleaned up his mess. She knew he was cheating, she knew he was a liar, but she stayed with him. I remember asking her why she didn’t leave, and she said dad would take us away from her if she did. Derek and I fought a lot. I looked up to him when I was really young, but as we got older our friendship/relationship faltered. We were horrible sons. Mom was the greatest woman ever. She was so forgiving and loving and I don’t know why she didn’t leave us. She had every opportunity to and every reason to, but she still stayed. Every night when dad came home from work, there was always something he didn’t like. Every night when he came home from work he would hurt mom. Derek and I would try to stop it, and take as many beatings as we could because we couldn’t bear seeing mom get hurt. Every night was bad. One night he came up to Derek and my room and beat us for no reason. Ever since then I’ve had trouble sleeping. There was one family photo in our house. Not that we were a family at all. Our lives were so screwed up. When the photographer came over to our house, it was the first time Derek and I had met another adult. We were hardly allowed to leave the house. I guess we thought it was a good idea to make dad look bad and exploit all the things he’d been doing, which was what we did. We were hoping when we told the man that dad would go to jail and we would never see him again. The next morning I woke up in a hospital with three broken ribs, a broken arm, two black eyes and a concussion. I was eight. Derek was in the same condition as me. He was thirteen. Mom was dead. Beaten. And dad was gone. We were alone, and we had no one. Still do this day I regret saying anything to that man. She might still be alive if we stayed silent. I have not and never will forgive myself for that.

For the next four years Derek and I lived on the streets. We lived in homeless shelters and rundown apartments. That was when I met this man named Zachary. I was running away because Derek was in another fight and I couldn’t save him, and I ran to this random park bench. That was when a man came by and offered me a roll of bread, which I devoured in a matter of seconds. Zachary became a father figure in my life and someone who still is to this day.

I remember wanting to enroll in a school. I was around ten at the time. I remember walking into some random school and told someone I wanted to be a student here. They noticed I was alone and told me they would take me to the principal's office. His name was Mr. James Reynolds. I’ll never forget him. After they asked me lots of questions like where my family was, where I had gone to school before, and how old I was. When they asked my name, that was when I told I was Brandon Wickham, remembering what Derek told me which was to never reveal your true identity to anyone.

I loved school. I got there as early as I could and stayed as late as I could. One of my teachers was Miss Fairfax. She was the woman who let Derek and I stay with her. Even Derek liked her. She never really asked questions about our past, but she knew it was screwed up, and she knew we needed a place to stay. Derek respected her because of that, and of course I loved her. She reminded me of my mom.

When I turned twelve, Derek was seventeen, and he told me we needed to leave. I asked him where we were going and when we would come back and he said we were never coming back. That was when I first joined the gang. That was when I saw dad again. That was when I realized what Derek had been doing this entire time. He’d been working for dad. He was a traitor. I was so angry and swore to myself I would never forgive him for it. I remember being so scared when I first walked into that warehouse. I didn’t want to be there. I wanted to be back in school and back with Miss Fairfax, but I had no choice. I had to follow orders or I would be beaten to death. Of course I was almost beaten to death regularly, anyway. Sometimes so bad I wished he had beaten me to death.

When I was twelve, I lost my virginity to Sabrina. She was eighteen. It’s super messed up I know, but my whole life was already and I’d already been exposed to so many things. All the older guys told me to do it so I did. It felt weird I guess because I didn’t really know what sex was and all, but then I started to like it and sex became the escape from my traumatizing life. I did some really horrible things during that time. I killed and tortured and drank and sold drugs and lived a life I hated, but I had no other way out.

One day I was at my usual street corner with one of my best friend’s Tyson, who is dead now. We had just finished selling, and I heard a faint scream in a nearby alley. I told Tyson to get in the van and wait for me. When I got closer to where the screams were coming from, I saw it was a girl struggling to get free from four guys pinning her down. I shot them all dead. All but the one who was getting on top of her. I shot him in the leg and then beat him to death. I learned the girl’s name was Dakota, and later on I started to see her occasionally. I learned she was a runaway, and soon enough we started to date. She knew my life was screwed up and that was it, but that was all she needed to know. She understood why I didn’t want to tell her because she could relate. She became the love of my life. She was my escape and the girl I needed.

The longer I stayed with her, the harder it was to hide things from her. I would go back to the warehouse late when she was sleeping and when she was at work. Apparently dad knew all along. I thought he didn’t, but he knew from the very beginning. He started to make me pay him these large amounts of money, telling me it’s what you have to do once you turn eighteen. He told me I couldn’t pay him with the money I made from drugs, so I had to get a real job. I worked my ass off, but I couldn’t make all the payments. He told me if I didn’t, he would take Dakota away. And that’s what happened. I remember that night as if it were yesterday. We were driving in the rain in the middle of the night. She was mad at me because we had to keep moving around and I told her that this was the last time, just like every other time I had said that. As we drove, at least five cars surrounded us and they took her. Dad took her away from me, and I don’t even want to imagine what they did to her. I haven't seen her since.

That was when I decided to quit the gang for good. I couldn't live in that hellhole anymore. Everyone, even the guys I was close with (Chase, Jacob, and Austin) were so angry. They all wanted to kill me, even my damn brother. One night at around two in the morning, I ran away for good. I ran to Matthew Donovan’s house, my uncle, and told him I wanted to work for him. I told him I couldn’t take that other life anymore, and I wanted out. It took a lot of persuasion but he finally let me work for him. Five years later I ran into you.

I was an asshole the first time we met because I wanted to deny my feelings for you. That obviously failed as time went on. I fell in love with you, and I’m still in love with you.

I never told you how my brother died but I will tell you now. The first time you came to my house and when I abruptly told you to get out, it was him at the door. I knew dad had sent for him to kill me. That’s why the letter you read said what it said. I killed him first. We fought until the death. I killed my brother. It was the worst day of my life. I hated him, but I loved him so much. He was not a good brother, but he was also the only guidance I ever had growing up.

When you saw me at Dunkin Doughnuts that was the day after we killed George de Fray. It was also the day Tyson died. De Fray killed him. He almost killed me because I was tied to the chair, but somehow Chase, or Cyrus now that you know his real name, slipped me a pocket knife and I got myself free. That was the reason I was in Atlanta. My dad had sent for me and a few others to come down and help with the murder. The reason why he wanted de Fray dead was because he stole 30 million from my dad. That’s also why I was an asshole when you were trying to ask me questions about my trip because there was nothing good about it, and there was no way I was going to be able to come up with a decent lie. That’s probably a terrible way to end this letter, but I wanted to make sure I told you everything.

That’s my life. All of it. Not all of it in detail, but everything that happened. I can only hope that you give me a second chance now that you know the truth. I love you so much Jessica. I beg that you forgive me and that we can start over from the beginning.

I love you,

Blake.

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